Sunday, February 27, 2005

notte bianca

have been writing seldom lately.
things happened. and what happened in my life and how i react to those things is somewhat personal and i need to keep it secret.

when i started the whole thing(keeping this sort of journal) i meant it as a place where i could share anything at all. most times i didnt. but i felt i could.
i have not changed my mind.

im just smiling.

et si le bonheur se raconte mal* (h. p. rocher- jules et jim).
j ai un peu du mal à raconter un peu de bonheur inattendu. c est tout.






current music: transcargo- oh boy

Saturday, February 26, 2005

missed you, missed you

the brown bunny makes sense.
it does.
it reminds me of the stupid senselessness i used to bear at one time.

(current music: nat king cole- quizas quizas quizas)

Thursday, February 24, 2005

je machonne des fourberies*

du hasard .

current music: dolcenera- deandré
current smell: figuring out the smell of some skin.

Monday, February 21, 2005

comptine du mois

le coquelicot est à moi, une fois par mois.
les souvenirs remontent ou ils s écoulent.
parfois ils remontent ce soir ils s écoulent.

Sunday, February 20, 2005

le moi de moi

j ai toujours osé dire ce que j ai pensé de beau sur les autres, nommé la beauté que je regardait sur eux, meme un soupçon, j ai du la communiquer.
ça évite aux autres de se perdre les morceux d eux qui réposent dans les yeux/ esprit/ regard/ coeur/ langue d autrui. fut- ce un inconnu.
je trouvais ça juste,
j ai du réaliser que c est quand meme et en quelque mesure dangereux.
je m en fous. je me refuse de taire. je supporte pas ceux qui se taisent.

ça change, comme je viens de dire.

si tout le monde disait ce qu il pense de bien sur l autre quand il le pense, et non pas quand il est conveniant ou du (putain de clavier aux accents disparu) ,on était moins tristes et un peu moins cons.







current music: verdena, encore

Saturday, February 19, 2005

Friday, February 18, 2005

Thursday, February 17, 2005

lana's got la boite à bonbons.

oh, putain de boite à bonbons.

je t ai cherchée pour un jour, partout,

enfin je t ai trouvé...un peu plus petite que celle que j imaginais, mais assez pour la remplir
de trucs colorés, je sai pas koi, ma collection de chaussettes, des chewingum colorés.

bof,
je veux l autre, celle de mes reve. une geante, toujours de verre et bouchon rouge, mais assez large pour y mettre mes couette en laine. et la deposer sur le tapis. par terre.

current mood: satisfaite

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

qu' est ce qu' il est beau d avoir mon chapeau.

qu est ce qu il est beau d avoir mon chapeau.
à cloche. je le tiens sur mes yeux. je marche presque à tetons. le chemin perpendiculaire à la con.
qu estce qu il est beau d avoir un chapeau. on empecherait aux passants sur le chemin de te piquer les yeux avec leurs yeux.et d' aller les retrouver après le coin, le temps qu ils les ont oublié.
qu estce qu il est beau d avoir mon chapeau. on peut se figurer une dizaine de regards qu'on piquerait en passant, mais qu ici, on ne voit qu en les imaginant.

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

Monday, February 14, 2005

reflections de la ville.

hantée par ma nouvelle lecture,
je rentre à pied,
sous mon parapluie jaune,
j écoute l eau filante. ses gazouillements sous le sol de la ville à travers des rayures au bord de la rue. le miroir du noir mouillé qui reflet les lumières des voitures et celles des magasins cachées par mon parapluie ou mon chapeau.

à fur et mesure que j avance à lire, j y trouve ça:
ma langue, celle que j aime bien, va se perdre? elle va disparaitre comme les batiments du livre?

j ai toujours eu peur de l'oublie. c est pour ça que j ai essayé le barrage contre la destruction du moindre detail du passé que j adore. tant que je l adore. tant que je PEUX.

rehearsing healing

last night i was elsewhere
playing with gauzes.

Sunday, February 13, 2005

scratching on the inner field*.

two pearls of blood on the skin.
dig a name on the sand.
two boys are diving somewhere.
a visiting angel from netherland.

which one' s a dream and which one est réel.

Saturday, February 12, 2005

electricity through her body

she migrated elsewhere. where other cocoons are.






current mood: forgetful
current smell: aseptic
current music: eels
current thought:
sofa, boxes, carpets.

Friday, February 11, 2005

Thursday, February 10, 2005

english make it better.

marcella passed the exam with top marks. which im so proud of.

futile:

tonight it s the first time im dealing with an italian toaster since my coming back. sigh, still don t understand why italians can make so thin bread loaves .. and still avoid importing hovis delicious bread from England. i mean they re so ridiculously tiny, i can put two slices of bread, one of ham, one of cheese in the same toaster thingy, which is unthinkable with hovis beloved bread.


p.s.: thank you rich for emailing me, and always thinking of me. miss u too.


current mood: ditzy
current music: benabar, bon anniversaire
current smell: toasts
current thought: futile & stuff, dissert, tomorrow birthday(s).

Tuesday, February 08, 2005

chill out

...suis naze,
just need some rest, some beauty sleep,
felt: cold, acccomplished, headachy, cold again, maybe the flu...
came back to my box, marcella on the phone, good luck marcella, merde, everything u want, u just have to seat & pass it, feel better, no hungry, my pics have disappeared again, thx arno , last day of Carnevale, have seen no masks, apart from stupid gang of bullies covering lana with shaving-like foam, then running away, or staying still in front of me with silly face asking stupid questions, like "are u a model?", which freaks me out, i answer "go away or less ill kick u in the ass", ils font chier, fuck them, some others bring me tissues, my bag is full of stupid white tissues; professor repeating "be happy, be veronica", which sounds good, which is a nonsense.

Monday, February 07, 2005

les dolls se meurent?

oui, les dolls se meurent.
elles taisent, elle font une grimace, la bouche est un arc-en-ciel tout rouge, ou tout noir, ça depend de la photo.

elles s effacent les joues de leur coleur, elle deviennent pales,
elle deviennent immeubles.


cette fois la coupure irreversible,
comme quand on leur coupe les cheveux, en attendent qu ils repoussent,
ils repousseront jamais plus.
je garde le lacet rouge,
je regarde leur poses abstruses.
les dolls se disent mille fois adieu. et elles ne parlent jamais pour de vrai.


Sunday, February 06, 2005

electricity through her body

coming sooner or later...

the end of the week , the weight of a hand.

Another week is over. Its been a busy-funny week and I've been working like a dog to catch up on all the things I haven't done because I was having a beautiful time with marci.
I've been taking a bunch of pictures of her and another million of the two of us, because she's so beautiful (much more than she s photogenic) and i wanted a full storage of photo-memories.

and before I realized I was alone in my box it was already saturday . and I had to start revising the 1001 mistakes, mispells, mispunctuations, footnotes in dissertation part 1. de bore.

current mood: accomplished
current music: otto ohm- crepuscolaria
current smell: banana juicy lipstic
current thought: footnotes

Saturday, February 05, 2005

maela brutal

2 days ago... in my box.




( watch +)

current mood: ?
current music: le tango de roxane (moulin rouge ost)
current smell: choco skin
current thought:?

Friday, February 04, 2005

in spite of wishing and wanting

(after one week talking session).

i ve realized im still:

1. in love with the empty, just as you.
2. strictly waiting for an electroshock
3. immune to coquelicot bonbons

isleness

alone in my box again


current mood: nostalgic mode
current music: mad world (donnie darko ost)
current smell: green apple juicy gloss
current thought: miss you so much, ciccia, people i do love.

Thursday, February 03, 2005

what her body does not remember

spending all week helping my best friend studying germanic philology is fun, after all.
i passed this exam some months ago (maybe years), so im revising it, which is a pleasure for me...
anyway marcella seems worried about it. like me a few days ago, shes now tangled up in
loads of old norse and anglosaxon words. which is definitely awful before exam session, next week.

even in her dreams, unpredictable norse verbs are haunting her beauty: